A List Puzzle!

Here's something I was thinking about when I was naked in the shower:

If there was a list of things I don't have, Syphilis would be on it. That's good. However, so would Playstation 3. That's not so good.

If there was a list of things I will have in the next 5 years, it would be more likely that Syphilis is on there than Playstation 3. I'm not having much sex, nor am I licking toilet seats, but I just don't plan on getting a Playstation 3 anytime soon.

So, here's what I am trying to figure out. What list could I think up that might have Playstation 3 at the top and Syphilis at the bottom? Here are a few I thought of, but I would love to hear from all of you!

-Things that would shock me if a doctor found traces of in my blood.

-Things I would prefer Sarah Palin give up public speaking because of

-Topics for Michael Moore's next documentary (although it would be interesting to see him expose the corruption behind the syphilis industry.)

-Things that Sarah M. from high school will have years before I do. (She is still a practicing Christian, but give it time)

-Things I would rather involve myself with than play the computer game Myst




Actually, here is a list of things I would rather do than play Myst:

-Die

-Do homework

-Kill my friends

-Listen to Bjork

-Read books that don't even have pictures

-Get a boner near an old woman, then have her see the boner and ask me about it, and then reply "Well lady, it's this or Myst."

The First Cut is the Deepest

In Germany, two undertakers are attempting to sell coffins to gay people, and have even decorated them with nude males. Take a look: Gay Dead Boners! (Not Really)

It's such a pain in the ass that people are always trying to penetrate the gay market. I appreciate that these guys have the balls to silence the mouths of naysayers, though. In fact, here is what I want on my coffin:

It would be me taking a shit. Below it, it would say, "This place is a dump!" or "I'm dead, and I am also the only one who gives shit!" I guess I just really want an image like that because at the funeral, I want peoples appetites to be ruined. The crying over the casket part is boring, but everyone secretly enjoys the appetizers at the house part. Except for the family. They order all this food and don't even eat a single cracker. The brilliance of my plan, though, is that everyones appetite will be ruined! They will still be nauseuous from an artist's rendereing of their deceased friend/aquaintance defecating. That means leftovers for my family, and they deserve the leftovers! They are the ones that will have ordered the food anyway. FUCK YOU if you are one of those people that shows up to a funeral afterparty (afterparty?) for the free food. You are sick. Don't you realize someone has died, and now you will sit there going, "Oh, these are bay scallops. I like bay scallops! I had a bad experience with sea scallops once, but bay scallops never dissapoint." You are a piece of shit is what you are.