From Bonch Con blog proprietor Dan Vetrano:
You may not know this, but this blog is not currently ranked on any major internet lists! It has an average of 0 views a day. Yet, if everyone reading this donated just five dollars, then it would be more popular and therefore better. More importantly, if you donate, I won't have to ask you to donate anymore.
In a way, this blog is a lot like your own body. You must take care of it or it will die. Don't kill "yourself." You see, the blog represents your body as a temple for the inner tranquility contained within the subconscious realm of your mind. It is an effervescent source of vitality, and could possibly restore youth to those who are willing to ponder it. Doesn't that sound like something you want to donate money to? Yes.
Other blogs have, let's say, 12,102,345 staffers. Wow! That's a lot. Do you know how many we have? I'll give you a clue: there is no "we". It's just me, Dan, asking you to give me 5 dollars because I just proved to you that I have less people to work with than other blogs.
Did you see in that last paragraph how I gave a large number and then compared it to my small number? That was pretty funny, right? This is the kind of avant-garde textual comedy that will perish without your five dollars.
Advertising is a thing that should exist in the world, but not on this blog. OK, this blog is in the world, true. Let's not play that game. This blog needs money or I will have no option but to place advertisements on it. I bet you'd be sorry then, wouldn't you? It would make browsing this soon-to-be powerhouse for comedy and/or information a real chore. You might even accidentally click on one of the advertisements when you are trying to exit the blog. Confronted by your own humiliation and regret, you will have wished you gave Bonch Con your five dollars.
Did I mention that this is the time of year when people normally donate? That's what late December is to most Americans. It's the time of year when everyone comes together and donates their five dollars to Bonch Con. Please avoid violating this widely recognized sacred tradition. Plus, I'll pay you back. I get paid bi-weekly, but Monday was a holiday, so everything got thrown off.
When I decided to make Bonch Con, lots of people told me how I could exploit the system. There were many Romanian Gypsy-type characters hoping I would use this webpage as a platform to launder money through the power of jest. Also, there were some fancy shmancy lawyers telling me that what I have is special, and that I should be making a profit off of it. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to exploit the people for a simple profit. Which is why you need to give me five dollars. Otherwise, I have no choice but to make a profit.
Please help me reach my weekly goal of having your five dollars. I can totally pay you back, and you know I'm good for it.
Thanks,
-Dan Vetrano
Eheheheheheheh. Nice try, my friend. Niiiice try. I often think that if every person who watched one of my youtube videos paid a dime I would be clearing 50k a year. Sadly for we artist types, historically we are doomed to be poor and die in the street.
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